Saturday night. Alone in my room. There's a party at my place. Chain smoking and drinking. Listening to great music. Getting ready to make my move on a certain lady. If she shows up...

I realize I tend to think too much, but that's something that most of you surely think for themselves as well. We're all the same it seems. Or its the alcohol making me feel "united" and half-human.

Random thoughts but good grammar and spelling.

Sorry, french-only post this time...

Donc, j'ai décidé que mon blog serait dorénavant bilingue. Pour une raison assez valable: j'ai décidé d'y mettre quelques écrits qui me passent par le crayon (ou le clavier) de temps à autres...

Ça risque de perturber ceux d'entre vous qui ont une formation en psycho je crois... Bref, voici mon premier minuscule texte...

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Moi, ben eh j'gratte. Quand t'on m'demande es'que j'fais dans vie, ben j'réponds que "j'gratte".

Fak l'aut'jour, j'tais au dépanneur. Pis comme d'habetude, eh j'grattais. J'grattais, j'grattais encore pis encore...

Chu pu ben ben en forme, fak j'tais accottée sul 'ti comptoir. Pis comme j'vois pu ben ben, eh j'me tiens ben ben proche de mes

billets.

Pis là, eh j'gagne! Eh l'gros lot! Eille, j'ai jamais gagné ça l'gros lot moé!!

Fak eh j'me lève la face de d'dans mon billet pour ergarder à

l'entour de moé pis j'dis: Eille, j'ai gagné.

Y'avait le p'tit monsieur chinois du dépanneur pis un autre monsieur, un jeune là. Y se mette à m'applaudire!

Ça, c'était le plus beau jour de ma vie, en té-cas, depuis que mon Marcel est partit...

Another day...

So, another day, another pile of shit left at my doorstep.

I begin to wonder why I keep hope that one day, for some magical and unexplained reason, it'll stop.

Then I get more philosophical about it. Right now, and for most of my "adult" life, I've been served daily doses of crap. I'm used to it, even though accumulation can sometimes get the best of me, I think I managed to remain quite mentally stable.

Don't get me wrong, I've never been molested nor did my parents beat me. Still, when events just keeping getting more negative, after a while, you start to feel like life itself really hates you.

Then I ask myself: would you be capable of discerning something truly positive in your life? Even if it was slapping you in the face?

To my regret, I don't think I would. I'd need to progressively "re-learn" to identify them and accept them. So far, I don't think I've had the chance to test it first hand.

My biggest fear is that, maybe, something nice, simple and positive just went by me, but that I might've been too busy cleaning the crap off my boots to realize it did...

Special announcement

I haven't posted in a long while. I was busy trying to act as if my life was fun, filled with people who care about me and others and the likes. Unfortunately for me, yet again, this was all just a lie.

I've realized that I'm surrounded by the exact type of people I've always hated the most: egocentrics.

As far as I can remember, I've always tried to stay as FAR AWAY as I can from these self-centered personages and did everything I could to try and "enlighten" the ones that were already within my life circle.

All these attempts have failed miserably.

One key fact about the people that go through life without caring for anyone else but themselves is that they invariably look HAPPIER than your average balanced person. This is also something I've realized a long time ago.

Trying to remain a "good" human being or by simple romanticism, I've never even considered this little simple fact: If you want to be happy and care-free, act like them!

Well, my friends, I've grown tired of being fucking miserable all the time, not allowing myself the simplest of pleasures nor the luxury of having a clean conscience. This is a pre-apology to all the people I might step on and/or hurt in the future, while I still care a bit.

From now on, I will NOT consider the effects of my choices on others around me; I will live the way I see fit, make the choices I want, regardless of the consequences.

I, my friends, decided to become a self-centered, egocentric PRICK.

My happiness, from now on, will only depend on me. I will fuck and fight my way through life just like all the other assholes out there. I will not look back. I will not doubt myself. I will, from now on, prevail. The Pat you knew was miserable, unhappy, gray and generally unpleasant. The new Pat is the exact opposite, except for the unpleasant part... Oh, if you knew how unpleasant he is, how rude and unrespectful, how much he doesn't give a flying fuck anymore, you'd keep as far away from him as you could.

Consider this the warning disclaimer that should be attached to my person at all times.

Moody P. Trshd

Being an asshole

Well, yes, I think I can state with confidence that I have now achieved my goal. I am now officially an asshole!

I just woke up after a 28 hour sleeping spree (which I believe might have been fueled by something slipped in my drink).

Ok, that doesn't make me an asshole, but for reasons that I will not divulge here, I feel like one. I feel, therefore I am...

Saturday slumber

Most of you won't understand this, but I hate weekends.

Ok, I don't hate weekends, I just don't like the fact that they have to end!

I usually don't do accomplish much during these two little days off (sometimes only one) for the only and logical reason that I'm so dead tired from my alienating and pointless work week that I physically and morally CAN'T! As you can read, the only part of me that never takes a day off is my need for expression and unstoppable psyche, just running in all directions at once... I'm tired... I'm outta here.

Later.

Letting the « inner-asshole » out

As usual, I’m late to catch the latest “trends”… I can still put the blame on the fact that I am proudly not connected to cable or satellite television, but that wouldn’t excuse the fact that I’ve been missing out on one of the most clever and entertaining TV shows in recent history (except for the beloved Battlestar Galactica): Californication.

For those of you who, like me, don’t have access to paying television networks, Californication is presented on Showtime. For those of you who DO have access, you now don’t have a valid reason NOT to watch it.

Hank Moody, a popular writer, with one of his novels freshly ported to the silver screen, notorious ladies man starts questioning his situation. We learn that he’s separated from his college sweetheart and mother to his daughter, that they’re still in good terms for the sake of the aforementioned “offspring” (as he addresses her) but is still in love with her. Anyway, good show, watch it, kudos to D. for introducing me to this eye-opening and inspiring character played by Fox Mulder. Haha!

I hate writing more than a couple paragraphs at a time (the exact reason I started blogging), so I'll come back with a part deux on how to let the inner-asshole come out... Later.

Possible blog beginnings

So apparently each and everyone of us can become or accomplish anything we want. This little piece will then be a kind of notebook or journal in which I will document this experiment that I’m about to begin. Yours truly will be the guinea pig in his own cage (or virus in a Petri dish, Neo in the Matrix, you chose).

I find myself at twenty-seven years of age, stuck in a life that I didn’t not personally chose but to which I still contributed with the choices I’ve made. I could go on about my past and all the trials I endured: I won’t.

I am HERE, I am NOW and that’s all we need to know to conduct this experiment. Starting from the bottom of the social food chain. That’s where I stand as I’m typing this text. Let’s se where this could lead me…